Comforters, soothers and dummies

These objects take on the same soothing powers as you have for your child and are as hard to part with as letting you go.

Dummies are particularly powerful soothers as they allow your child to suckle, an activity they find very calming. Sucking is a very natural activity for a baby.

Children do grow out of using their comforters, and most toys and blankets do no harm unless they limit the play and learning opportunities your child has. For example, if your child is holding a toy and so can't do some play activities, try creative solutions such as using a special bag for the comfort object so his hands are kept free.

Some research shows that using a dummy when a baby goes to sleep is associated with a reduction in the risk of cot death. But the research doesn't show 'cause and effect' and there are number of questions remaining.

If you decide to use a dummy, current advice from the Department of Health and the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths is to avoid using one for the first month if you're breastfeeding.

Prolonged dummy use and thumb sucking for long periods each day can affect speech and language development, and the teeth's alignment.

To avoid this, aim to discard the dummy before your child is one year old.

If your child is older and still using a dummy, think about devising a ritual where you and your child put all the dummies in the bin and your child gets something more 'grown up', such as a special cup or sports bottle as a reward.

Don't be too worried about your child's attachment to a special toy or blanket, though it's worth having at least one duplicate for use in emergencies when the original can't be found.

If you get to a stage where you feel you want to help your child give up, try to do it gradually. A comfort blanket can gradually reduce in size, for instance, so it eventually becomes a little piece carried in a pocket or bag.

Some children do develop unusual comfort habits, which work by keeping you near them and involve touch such as holding or stroking. These comforting activities are not a behavioural issue and usually break by themselves. Often, this happens when the parent involved is away from home and the child must accept others to soothe him, which can be distressing at first.

Another way to change this habit is to limit the amount of time your child can spend on a comfort activity. In particular, make the stroking/holding stop before he falls asleep, or the link between the habit and being soothed will be strengthened.

This habit is especially difficult to limit, as the comfort object is available to your child at all times. Like much behaviour change, the most effective approach is to pay lots of attention to the behaviour you want and little or none to the behaviour you'd like to stop.

Ideas include praise, stickers and lots of hugs whenever you notice your child is not sucking his thumb. When he is, either ignore it or say, in a matter-of-fact tone, "that's not OK", and gently guide the thumb from your child's mouth. At the same time, try to divert his attention on to something else, such as a book or toy.

However you manage the issue of the comforter, you can expect your baby or child to be a little harder to settle for a while. You may need to spend more time with him at bedtime, or when there has been an upset, because he will need extra reassurance.

You can also expect more tantrums and tears as your child expresses his frustration and tries to manage his feelings without a comforter. Your calming voice and your arms holding him safe will help with these feelings and reassure him he can cope.

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